i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
