it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
