there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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