so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
