next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
