Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
