You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
