I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
