talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
