guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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