Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
