I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
