i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
