I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
