At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
