Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
