just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
