what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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