I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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