Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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