listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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