you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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