i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
