This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
operation harelip BJ is a go
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
