Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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