I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
