just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
