Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
