no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
