I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
