32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
