he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
