They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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