WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
