she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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