I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
