Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
