A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
