I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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