Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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