State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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