I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
