Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
