You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
