Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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