The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
