24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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