Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
