we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
