Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize