I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
